Zaporozhian Cossacks' reply to Sultan Mehmed IV

If this isn’t politically incorrect, I don’t know what is.

In 1675, the Zaporozhian Cossacks (a military order located in modern day Ukraine) defeated an army dispatched by Sultan Mehmed IV of the Ottoman Empire (modern Turkey) to conquer them. Despite annihilating the Ottoman army, the Sultan sent a letter to the Cossacks demanding their immediate surrender, stating:

“As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the Sun and Moon; grandson and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians—I command you, the Zaporozhian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks.”

Koshovyi Otaman Ivan Sirko, on behalf of the Cossacks, replied with the following:

“O sultan, turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are you, that can't slay a hedgehog with his naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. You will not, you son of a bitch, make subjects of Christian sons; we've no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck your mother.

You Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, Armenian pig, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw your own mother!

So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding Christian pigs. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!”

And that was that. Below is a painting by Ilya Repin from the early 1800s depicting the Cossacks as the letter was written. It is now located in the Russian State Museum in St. Petersburg.

Kudos to Gates of Vienna.